Navigating Grief and Loss Through the Holidays

The holidays can be a time for joy and togetherness, but they can also be a time of immense hardship and grief. Underneath the stress of shopping, hosting, cooking, traveling, or seeing relatives lies some of the pain or loss we’ve been experiencing through the whole year, just magnified. We often think of a loved one passing away when we think about healing from loss, but grief can apply to all kinds of losses such as broken relationships, new family dynamics, living in a new place, or loss of traditions. Just like we all have something to be grateful for, we all have something we’ve lost.

Grief can feel like many different things, so it’s important to watch out for how this may be showing up for you throughout the next few weeks. Some symptoms may be more obvious than others. For example, you may not want to get out of bed, have trouble eating, excessively cry, or generally feel sad. Grief can also look like:

• Feeling “off”
• Feeling snappy, irritated, or upset for no reason
• Having trouble  concentrating
• Feeling guilty or misunderstood
• Feeling numb or partially “here”
• Not feeling rested

Check on your needs throughout the day. Have I had enough water today? Have I eaten a meal? Did I get enough sleep? Do I need a nap? Have I gone outside today? Have I interacted with at least one person? Having unmet basic needs in addition to grief symptoms can make holiday moments even more unbearable. Focus on getting your foundational needs met first.

Once you’ve named and accepted your needs, take time to honor what’s gone. If you’ve recently lost a relative, carve out a small moment in your day to remember your holiday time together. Send them thoughts of love and light. Acknowledge the legacy of their presence and include them in your traditions. Note how things are different from what they used to be, and work on radically accepting this change. As you foster gratitude and curiosity for new traditions informed by past loved ones, allow yourself to feel upset, angry, and sad. If needed, you can set a timer for 30 minutes to simply exist in these feelings.

Invite others to grieve with you. Find and gather others who share in the loss of this person, situation, or place. Reminisce together and share in the company of those supporting your journey. If there’s no one around who shares in your loss, call a friend, connect with an online community, or reach out to crisis lines like 2-8-8.

Start a small, new tradition by yourself or with your loved ones. Maybe the tradition is taking a midday nap, or maybe it’s watching a new obscure holiday movie. Whatever you choose, make it intentional.

Getting into the thick of therapeutic grief work may not be the best move during the holiday season. However, focusing on coping skills will certainly help your healing journey. If you feel like you can’t get through this time without help, give us a call. One of our therapists will be ready to support you as best as they can.

(Contributed by Emily Win, Master’s Graduate in Mental Health Counseling, Palo Alto University)